I sat down to write a hundred times. Tried to put to words how I felt in the moment. When I couldn't write the words out to describe the craziness my world was, the loneliness in my heart, or the happiness the sight of my kids growing brought to me, I would just take a picture of it. Changing diapers, nursing a new baby, training a toddler, husband working long and hard hours to provide.. I was tired. In those moments Satan has us where he wants us. Always giving more than we receive and worn down with crazy hair in our pajamas still at 2pm. He had me vulnerable and down. Throwing flames of negativity my way just waiting for one to catch and burn me up with it.
Sally Clarkson in "Desperate" puts it perfectly:
"A woman alone in her home with her ideals eventually wears down and becomes a perfect target for Satan to discourage. Some women have journeyed alone for so long they are not even aware of their urgent need for mentors, friends, peers, and fellowship." --Sally Clarkson in "Desperate"
God has taken me on a hard and painful process of re-breaking bones that healed wrong and has begun to mold me in to the woman HE wants me to be. I'm learning to guard my heart (for it is the wellspring of life) and when to open it to those in that God brings along my path. Some people think that they know me because they see my life through Facebook. That makes me chuckle. My life is SO MUCH more than that. My goals for my business, my role as a Mom and as a wife.. and me, Terra, the woman who God created... There is so much more to me than what meets the eye.
When January rolled around I was so excited for a fresh start. We have found an awesome church home, joined a small group, Andrew is able to stay in town more for work, we paid off the majority of our debt, and my kids are getting more mobile. As I type those words, I can almost feel the spring air coming. Those friends that stuck by my side and prayed for me as I struggled are a treasure to me. Life brings us in and out of seasons. And God is there, never changing... ever present. I appreciate certain things now having been through what I have. So as 1/1/13 hit.. I began to clean, the dusty parts of my heart, and my jammed packed closets (literally). Throwing out old reminders of the past and filling those places with new and purpose filled things.
As the year went on I took pictures of things I wanted to be reminded of. The two little snotty nose kids I love, a husband who works so incredibly hard for this family and our moments shared together.