September Sentiments

With one swift movement, he launched himself face first into the smooth concrete floor of the grocery store.  I stood there.  Partly stunned by his bold act of defiance and partly due to the fact that I had run out of parenting options and I had only been in the store for 5 minutes.  He then smirked at me.  I almost lost it.  I almost launched him into the old fashioned oats bin 10 feet away.  My mind was racing as I watched the sneaky glances of those walking by.

WHAT DO I DO WITH THIS KID??  I can't let him win.  Show him who's boss.  What would Jesus do?  You don't want CPS called.  Be sweet, gentle, and kind but loving, firm and determined.  

I walked away.  Actually, I almost took out granny checking out the ginger root I was moving so fast. It was about that moment that I heard a frantic cry behind me.  "Ma'am, MA'AM!  You dropped your child??"  

I then proceeded to let her in on the secret that he is a baby actor stunt man in training and to not worry, it happens all the time.  She looked at me.  Eyes as big as saucers.  Her mouth wrinkled up on one side as she pondered on whether to laugh or be horrified.  At that very moment, the child in question, gently peeled himself off of the floor and walked over and climbed back into the bus that I was steering.

There are many moments in my day when sarcasm gets the best of me.  Today this one of them.

As we exited the store, and the hour long process of getting kids in carseats and groceries placed properly came to an end... I found myself staring into empty space.  Replaying the scene that just took place in my mind almost made me afraid that I would run into "concerned mom" at church.

As I drove home, I prayed.

God, what are doing with me?  What is your plan for these kids?  Am I really the best one for the job?  I feel inadequate most of the time, if I'm being honest with you.   But hello!  You are God, I'm sure you knew that already.  Why do I feel crazy?  Did you make me crazy?  It's probably the gluten....

As I drove, and as my manic prayers seem to fade off into the distance, I remembered.  September is a month of remembrance for me.  The month that we lost our very first baby that made us hunger for parenthood in a way we didn't understand and couldn't explain.  One September I spent preparing the way for Selah Grace to arrive.  What an amazing month that was.  And then that recent September when God told us to move to Texas and we obeyed and then the government shut down and lack of finances ruled our life and we almost lost our minds.  September.  Half of the month you are sweating so much it looks like just jumped into the pool and the other half you obnoxiously wear leggings when it is still only 75 degrees outside!

Remembering where God brought you from will always make you look at the present and future differently.  It makes me hug my babies tighter and not get so flustered at the moments.  The moments that I feel like I may just lose my mind right there next to frozen chicken in the grocery store.  One day I will look back at this and laugh.  Heck, I'm laughing now.  It takes talent to face plant concrete and hold onto your composure just to prove a point.  He's going to be President one day.

It's also good to remember these things so that we can remember to encourage each other.  Older Moms, encourage the younger Moms.  The are going crazy.  They need a smile and some love.

To the Mom who almost swerves in my lane, as you try and reach the leg fat of the child throwing toy cars at your head from the backseat, I will fist pump you and drive on.

Keep praying.  Keep smiling.  Keep seeking God.  Because in the end, I want to remember more of who I ran to and not who I ran away from :)