It has taken me two hours to talk myself into writing this blog today because what I am about to share with you is probably the hardest thing I have ever had to go through.
Andrew and I lost our precious baby yesterday.
Last week when we went in for our ultrasound, our baby's heart beat was really low and they told us we needed to come back in two weeks to see if the heart had caught up. Monday I woke feeling awful. About ten o'clock in the morning I started spotting. Trying not to be a drama queen, I blew it off and kept working. The more time went on, the worse it got. I went home that day around 4 and was pretty sure that my body was miscarrying the baby. Tuesday morning, Andrew and I went in to have an emergency ultrasound and they found the baby, but the baby was no longer alive. Wednesday morning I was supposed to go in for a D&C but my body beat me to the punch.
We are praising the Lord in the midst of our pain, but we are very weary from all of this. I am really ready to feel better and feel like myself again. This past month has been a whirlwind for us, but we are looking to heaven. We know that God has a plan and a purpose for us... We just are ready for the pain to stop. Jeremiah 29:11 rolls off the tongue nicely and looks great on decorator pillows but is so very hard to believe with all your heart when these type of things happen that are unexplainable and very hurtful.
But after it was all said and done, Andrew and I had an unexplainable peace within us. A kind of peace that can only be given by the Prince of Peace.
For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. Isaiah 9:6
Mary gave birth to Jesus, the Prince of Peace, in a little stable in Bethlehem with her new husband by her side... I imagine this a whole lot differently than I did before. I can imagine the fear combined with excitement within her and Joseph as she brought the Prince of Peace into this world. The physical pain from labor and tears of joy when she held the Savior of the world in her hands afterward.
No matter what you are hurting from or struggling with, rest in this... he is the Prince of Peace. He will give you peace that surpasses all understanding. No matter where you are in life, christian or non-christian, God loves you. He wants to give you that peace.
As we walk through life and go through hard times, we will need to rely on him, THE Prince of Peace. He came to save us, so that we could spend eternity with him. In the midst of all my emotional and physical pain yesterday, the thing that gave my heart comfort was knowing that one day Andrew and I will be able to hold the baby that we were never able to hold. We will get to see what he/she looks like. Today may be sad, but that day... that will be such a sweet day!