Wednesday, July 20, 2011

The monster called "Insecurity"

Insecurity.  The one thing that can destroy someone's self-esteem, relationships, and can act as a thorn in the side of anything good.

What does it mean to be insecure?

Definition (via Internet source) - Insecurity is a feeling of general unease or nervousness that may be triggered by perceiving of oneself to be vulnerable in some way.

A person who is insecure lacks confidence in their own value, and one or more of their capabilities, lacks trust in themselves or others, or has fears that a present positive state is temporary, and will let them down and cause them loss or distress by "going wrong" in the future. This is a common trait, which only differs in degree between people.

This is not to be confused with humility, which involves recognizing one's shortcomings but still maintaining a healthy dose of self-confidence. Insecurity is not an objective evaluation of one's ability but an emotional interpretation, as two people with the same capabilities may have entirely different levels of insecurity.
Insecurity may help to cause shyness, paranoia and social withdrawal, or alternatively it may encourage compensatory behaviors such as arrogance, aggression, or bullying, in some cases.

Here recently, God has been teaching me a whole lot about insecurity.  Some insecurities that I have and when to notice someone else's insecurities.  Do you sometimes wonder why someone is acting shy around you, or just the opposite... arrogant or like a bully toward you?  Instead of being so personally offended with how someone treats me, God has really had me look deeper into the heart of the matter.  Are they acting out of insecurity?  If so, I am then able to act with wisdom in the situation.  Taking on a different mindset in how to handle the situation.  And not react to their reaction.

People that are confident in themselves, along with their talents and abilities are usually the first ones to notice some acting out of insecurity toward them.  I always thought that women were the worst at this behavior - but in the past few years, my eyes have been dramatically opened to Men and their insecurities. 

Men and Women both struggle with insecurity, but in very different ways. 

In my experience...  Women are often more concerned with how someone views them or is emotionally treating them.  They usually feel threatened by younger, attractive, talented, and confident young women.  They become insecure around women that they subconsicously feel are "better" in some way then them.  Then with that insecurity, some then look at those women that make them feel insecure and lash out.  Reminding themselves that they are better and then arrogantly act on those thoughts. 
For Men, it is all about their ability to provide.  A man drives up in a big truck, pulling his brand new boat, model wife in the passenger seat and brilliant children in the back seat.  "He must do something amazing!"... "Does my wife think I am a loser because I can't provide all of that?"  ... Feeling like a failure, their mind lingers on their insecurities as they size themselves next to Mr. & Mrs. Jones.

Last week, I had Dr. Phil on as background noise as I straightened up my house one afternoon.  This particular day they were talking about and to gold diggers.  These women that go after rich men to get what they want.  They would rather sacrifice love and relationship by settling for a big diamond ring.  That screams insecurity to me. 

Or the girl who is so insecure with herself that she will have sex before marriage just to please that one guy or seem cool & mature in the eyes of her girlfriends.  The feeling of security that she is looking for... will not linger long.  It will be gone in the blink of an eye and she will be left feeling even more worthless than she did before she acted on her insecurity. 

Relationships can suffer tremendously when insecurity is present.  Control, jealousy, and emotional/verbal/physical abuse can be traced back to even a small hint of insecurity.  When looking for someone to date and ultimately marry, there is one VERY important thing you should look for:  Are they insecure and do they act on their insecurities in a negative way? 

Ladies & Gentlemen - You CAN be secure in only one thing in life.  God.  He made you exactly how he wanted you.  And he does intend for you to praise him for creating you in the way you were created.  The physical flaws that you think are glaringly obvious and awful are enhancements in his magnificent creation.  Now, look at yourself in the mirror.  Did you just roll your eyes at what you just read?  If so, you.. my friend.. are acting on your insecurities.  Why not accept yourself for who you are?  Striving to improve yourself as a person in the eyes of God and in the eyes of man are two very different things.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
Psalm 139:14
I pray that God will reveal the monster inside me called insecurity and help to notice when I am acting on it.  Are you ready to done with it as well?


Danielle said...

Hey girl!

Thanks for posting this. I have been learning a lot about this recently and along with the ladies in my accountability group, I've been reading SO LONG INSECURITY by Beth Moore. It's a book you can read on your own and don't necessarily have to do in a group setting..although it can enhance it. I can't tell you all the things I've gleamed from reading this book. I'm about half way through and sometimes I have to stop so I can apply some of it before I move on. I'd encourage you to read it. Hang in there...everyone, regardless of their insecure in some's just how easily it's perceived by others.

You are loved!

Danielle :)

Terra said...

Yes, it is good! I have read it. I love Beth Moore.