Monday, May 3, 2010

God will provide.

Here lately I have been battling restless sleep. And this is not a symptom of pregnancy! It is a symptom of letting my brain wonder to thoughts like.. "are we going to make it... will we financially survive this... what if we can't pay our bills... is Andrew's head going to explode if we add any more stress to our little lives?" And the mind churns and churns.

Late at night I lay there. I wait to feel little kicks and squirms inside of me. I listen to hear Andrew's breathing change and wonder what he is dreaming about. My mind shoots off at about 100 mph. Once it starts it is hard to put on the brakes.

Last week this sense of panic flooded my mind as it wondered while I was at work. Day care, diapers, wipes, food, clothing... 4 1/2 more months... oh. my. goodness.

For such a time as this my beloved.

WOW. "God, I know you are all knowing and such.. but really, this is the plan?"

I am sort of a list keeper. Whether it is mental or on an old receipt found down in the dark and dangerous corners of my suitcase purse... a list is a list. My lists are getting a bit overwhelming these days. SO MUCH TO DO AND NOT ENOUGH MONEY TO DO IT WITH.

In those moments where my mind is racing and Satan is convincing me that I am not going to be able to make it... my lists start to look like this.

"God if you just gave me:

$100,000... I would be perfectly fine!"


Even though God could send a check priority mail to me for $100,000, I don't believe that's going to happen any time soon. He will give me what I need when I need it. If that means that he will provide for just that day that I am in need... he will. I have the creator of the universe taking care of my needs. You better believe that my needs WILL be met.

"LORD, you have assigned me my portion and my cup;
you have made my lot secure.

The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;
surely I have a delightful inheritance.

I will praise the LORD, who counsels me;
even at night my heart instructs me.

I have set the LORD always before me.
Because he is at my right hand,
I will not be shaken.

Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices;
my body also will rest secure,

because you will not abandon me to the grave,
nor will you let your Holy One see decay.

You have made known to me the path of life;
you will fill me with joy in your presence,
with eternal pleasures at your right hand."

Pslam 16:5-11

This video below is from the blog The City Cradle. I hope this inspires you, I know it inspired me.

Keep your head held high... God will provide.

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