Thursday, September 30, 2010

One year later...

This morning I woke up feeling very joyful.  The windows were open and I could hear the leaves falling down outside.  I could hear Andrew filling Ginger's food bowl downstairs.  I waited to hear her fast little paws across the wooden floor as an indicator that Andrew was on the move.  She has officially landed the role as "Andrew's shadow".

Trying to get out of bed is an entire topic of conversation in itself... but lets just say that I couldn't quite muster up the strength to wiggle my way sideways safely out of the bed toward my little red bible laying on the computer table.  So I grabbed my phone and started searching.  Technology is great, especially when you can't get out of bed!  I have an iPhone application that is titled "The Bible" (aka... for the everyday slacker/big pregnant woman who can't get out of bed).

This application gave me several choices in scripture... Galatians, 1 Kings, Ezekiel, and Psalms.  Off to Psalms I went.  As my phone did all the work for me, I thought about what this day, September the 30th, meant to me.  Lots of emotions filled my head and heart as I thought back over how I felt a year ago.  A year ago yesterday, Andrew and I sat in the dark ultrasound room as the sweet nurse told us that she couldn't find a heartbeat.  My heart dropped.  Trying to hold back the tears... I felt like my world was crashing down around me.

And today, waking up to the crisp clean air with a healthy full-term baby inside of me... I felt one same emotion that I did last year on this exact day.  Hope.  The God who welcomed my baby into heaven last year, now has placed Selah Grace inside my womb to glorify his kingdom.  Both of my babies have a very direct and clear purpose in this world.  To glorify God.  I have hope that the baby that I lost will bring glory to God and I have hope that Selah Grace will bring glory to God.  I have hope that God knows what he is doing. 

And there it was.... Psalm 81: 6-7
He says, "I removed the burden from their shoulders; their hands were set free from the basket. In your distress you called and I rescued you, I answered you out of a thundercloud; I tested you at the waters of Meribah. Selah.

This morning God reminded me that his ways are bigger than mine and that everything that happens will bring him glory.  He heard my cry of distress, he answered me, he tested me, he removed my burden, and he gave me Selah. 

What a sweet and beautiful picture of God's grace in mine and Andrew's life.  I can't wait to see how God is going to use Selah Grace to glorify himself.

Last year, my tears were full of pain and heartbreak.  And this year my tears are filled with joy and a little bit of understanding.  God can and will heal your hurt.  Will you let him?

Related post: "Prince of Peace"

No comments: