Spoiler alert... I'm not good with change.
I have a hard time taking this verb, change, and making it my reality. I have a hard time moving, changing churches, switching jobs, throwing out old clothes... etc. CHANGE! Scary...
Even if I want a new adventure or if God is calling and beckoning me somewhere different that isn't the everyday norm.. it's hard for me to get my mind wrapped around that idea.
I have a contradicting soul sometimes. I am the first one to volunteer to step off of the cliff when asked. Trusting that God will provide isn't really the hard part, it is knowing how hard it is for my earthly self to accept the change that comes with jumping off of that cliff.
Is anyone else out there with me on this one?
Lately, Andrew and I have been talking a lot about our life. Where we live, our friends, our church, our jobs... What is our five year plan? Do we buy a house now or a year from now? Do we stay here in Tennessee or do we move back to Texas?
Lots of questions that require lots of answers that need to be carefully thought out and prayed over. The monotony of everyday life can sweep by without us even realizing it. What are we doing with our life? Are we just trying to make it to that next paycheck? Are we investing in others lives? Is anyone investing in our life?
Getting caught up with the tiny details of my life, I sometimes forget to call someone or drop in to see how someone else's day is going.
Friend - (one of the many definitions) Noun: a person you know well and regard with affection and trust.
Being a woman and making friends are usually something that take on the form of oil and water for a lot of people. I have been burned by many of my friends in the past couple of years. You can only try so hard to reach out, love, and try to tear down that wall they are holding up between the two of you for so long. It gets exhausting to keep calling and inviting them to church... Or even begin of friendship with someone when they won't let you into their heart or know who they truly are.
While I was in high school and college, I made a very concerted effort to try and be the best friend to every single person I knew. It wore me out. I was giving SO much of myself and receiving NOTHING in return. I got burned and I retreated back to my comfort zone... my little family of four that would love me no matter what.
Do you struggle with this? You would be lying if you said that you didn't have some difficulty in handling your relationships in the exact way that God intended. God put us here on the earth to live with each other.. not live trying to keep each other at a safe distance away. There is a fine line between privacy and being a good friend. You can have both.
My college roommate, Alaina, and I had this game going of trying to beat each other with how many friends we had on facebook. I remember one night, while in a candy apple coma, we just started asking complete strangers to be our friends just to beat each other. (I miss you Alaina!!) FYI - the people that only have a relationship with you inside of your computer should not be your only friends in life.
Really random but - I met someone in the grocery store the other day who spotted me, walked over, and gave me a big ole hug. It really took me back. She said, "I am so happy to meet you and Selah Grace!" Wow.. she knew our names! I was racking my brain trying to remember where I had met her before and then she said, "I read your blog..." Holy Cow. That has never happened to me before. I had just happened to be cleaning everything in my house that day and looked like a hot mess. She said, "I feel like I know you!" Looking down at my attire for the day I was embarrassed. She's going to see my nappy hair and worn out running shoes... oh no! It struck me funny because I did not have a clue anything about this woman but she knew a whole lot about me. We spoke for a moment and then parted ways.
As I was driving home I began to think about my relationship with God. He knows everything about me. Do I seek to know everything about him. He pursues the ultimate friendship with me and I continually put up walls. He keeps knocking at my door and inviting me to come and dine with him and I keep putting him off. Does he get burned out of trying to be my friend? No. He loves me and will pursue me until the day I die.
I am blessed that he calls me friend. That is one friendship I don't deserve.
Okay ladies.. here's your challenge for the day..
Make an effort to love on someone today. Be a good friend. Let's try to conquer this whole uncomfortable task of making friends and accepting change. You can do it!!! I know you can :)
Love you guys!
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