then GOD.

Some of you already know this, but for those of you that do not know... Andrew and I are having a baby. I am three months pregnant! SURPRISE!

I am so glad that I can share this exciting piece of news with everyone. These past three months, have been a filled with LOTS of different emotions. The day I found out I was pregnant was bitter sweet. I was excited but yet very scared all at the same time. The feeling resembled times when you can't tell if you are hungry or if you are going to throw up. I know, gross, but it is the best way I can describe how I felt.

Telling family and friends this time has been interesting as well. I got lots of, "I am happy just feeling a bit cautious about getting too excited." Those were my sentiments exactly. For the first couple of weeks, my mind was full of fear at every twinge of pain.. just waiting for something to go wrong. My dreams were crazy and full of conversations of me trying to convince people that I was actually pregnant. A dream that haunted me for about a month took place in the room where we found out our first baby had died... I was pleading with the ultrasound tech to keep searching for the heartbeat, but she never could find one. My dreams would never finish and I would be left to wake up, completely frustrated.

I cannot tell you how tired I became of this fear that lurked in the shadows around me. I didn't let anyone know how scared I was, I just bottled it up and tried to remain strong for Andrew and our family. So I went into a "if I don't think or pray about it and pretend that I am not pregnant, then maybe when something does go wrong it will be less painful" mode. This didn't prove to be very successful as well. Trying to take God's will for our lives into our own hands NEVER proves to be successful. It was hard to pray for my baby because when I pray for him/her it showed God how much I loved this little baby and how scared I was that something was going to happen. Of course, God already knew this, but it was still so hard to pray! Saying it out loud made it real. God kept whispering to me... "just surrender, relax, and trust me." GRRRRR!!! I am born to be dramatic, not to remind myself to take a chill-pill when I am feeling a little worried.

A couple weeks later, it finally came time for my first doctor's appointment. My heart was full of pain from my first pregnancy that I had to give to God before I went in to have my ultrasound. I literally had to pray, "God help me get through this". I didn't think that I could bare that kind of devastation again or see my sweet husband feel so wounded as well. When the nurse called my name, I felt like a statue. I almost asked Andrew to carry me into the room. Getting ready for the ultrasound I felt that familiar basketball sized lump slither up my throat until I felt like I couldn't breathe.

Surrender, relax, and trust me.

Last summer I took the Beth Moore bible study "Esther". There was one lesson that has stuck in my brain and has kept my perspective and that basketball sized throat lump where it needs to be. Beth talked about the aftermath of tragedy. What happens after your worst fear has happened? What happens after you grieve? Put your tragedy in the first blank and then end it with... Then God. If you lose your baby, Then GOD. If you lose your job, Then GOD. If you get cancer, Then GOD.

Going into that ultrasound all I could think was... Then GOD!!! Because no matter what, he would always be the end result for me. No matter how much this was going to hurt or be the most joyful thing I could ever experience... my life's sentence would end with Then GOD.

So, I am here to shout from the rooftops that our baby is alive, strong, and healthy. The ultrasound was amazing and furthermore comforting. This morning Andrew and I went in for our monthly visit and we heard our baby's fast little heart beat. 170 bpm. And what a mover and a shaker he/she is!! The nurse was having to chase our baby all of over the place to have us hear the heartbeat :) If the wive tales are correct, we are having a girl. But don't buy us any pink yet... Andrew is convinced that it is a boy.

The peace that God has given me is unexplainable and truly remarkable. We are taking one day at a time and remembering that whatever happens to our little family we should always say "then GOD".

Thank you all for your love and prayers. We appreciate it more then you will ever know.

Ginger is out to get me...

Let me set this up by giving you a play by play of what my morning was like.

5:00 am - Andrew's alarm went off.... 10 times.

5:10 am - Andrew got up, took the dog out, packed his bags for a work trip, and woke me up to say goodbye.

5:45 am - Before leaving Andrew gated our feisty puppy into the kitchen.

6:00 am - Andrew leaves and my alarm goes off.

6:20 am - After hitting snooze 5 times I decided to get up.

6:21 am - I heard a loud thud downstairs in the kitchen. It didn't cross my mind twice because I am used to hearing loud noises from the small terrorist that lives down stairs due to the fact that she cannot stop herself on the wood floors and eventually smacks into the walls or chairs when she is running around our kitchen table like a maniac.

7:00 am - Walking down the stairs to eat breakfast and to fix my lunch, I hear Ginger's tail thudding against the gate as she hears me coming.

7: 01 am - I turn to see a winter wonderland in my kitchen...

And this is partially cleaned up! I decided to take a picture mid-cleanup.

Megan came to visit

My dear friend Megan came to visit me a couple of weeks ago and we had the best time in the world.

We have not seen each other since my wedding, a little over a year ago, and it was soo good to catch up face to face.

Megan isn't the type that likes to be front and center... in fact I scared her half to death the first time I met her due to my whip-lash-like enthusiasm. She and I became best friends during our first year in college at the University of Mary Hardin Baylor in Texas. She was a nursing student and I was a music education student. Things certainly changed as we moved, changed majors, made new friends, and FINALLY graduated college. I am so proud of her for all that she has accomplished in the past 5 years of her life. She is probably blushing at this point... but I don't care... she deserves to be bragged on!

As we painted pottery (which is my new favorite thing to do now) we talked, as best friends do, about the struggles and the happy times, the mountains and the valleys, in our lives. She was there for me when I was in the depths of post-partum depression and still continues to be here for me to this day.

God-filled friends like Megan are priceless. Tomorrow is Megan's birthday!! So join me in wishing a VERY special person a happy birthday.

Happy Birthday Megs

Lazy Snow Days!

2010 has ended up being a record breaking year in snowfall counts.

Andrew and I have friends that are teachers and all we have been hearing is, "Yeah, another snow day for those teachers..." The teachers almost love it more than the kids do. Funny. A couple of weeks ago we had about 6 inches of snow and it was so beautiful. We have never seen that much snow before. We built a snowman, igloo, and Ginger discovered that her legs are too short when she walks in snow. Her belly made more tracks in the snow than her little legs did. How cute!

I loved the snow but I am ready for Spring to arrive. High heels and snow do not go together.

Cosmic Bowling

When you are faced with a rainy Saturday what can you do? Obviously the answer is Cosmic Bowling! Andrew and I, along with some pretty great friends, went cosmic bowling a couple weekends ago after eating mexican food... don't really know if those two things are supposed to go together... it made for a great night though. I lost.. both games. What a fun time though!

It brought me back to a horrific flashback of my junior year of highschool.

Cosmic Bowling... 2003. Black lights, white bra, not a white shirt. I got a whole lot of stares that night.

WE MADE IT!

We have successfully made it to our 1 year anniversary! This year has flown by and I know that as we grow old, time will even begin to fly by faster. We are so grateful to our friends and family for loving and encouraging us throughout this crazy year! We have been through some really hard things this year, but we have our heads held high, looking toward the one who guides our marriage. We are very eager to see what the Lord has in store for our family in 2010. Please pray for Andrew and I to make wise decisions and to love each other more everyday.

Happy Anniversary Andrew. I love you.

Our First Christmas

Our First Christmas! It certainly flew on by. My parents were so kind and drove 13 hours to come and spend Christmas with us. They really sacrificed themselves to make sure that Andrew and I were not alone on this special holiday. So I want to give a big "THANK YOU & I LOVE YOU ALL" to my family for making it so special! We played games, visited the Grand Ole Opry Hotel, drank some bubble smoothies, ate steak, took family pictures, opened presents and played with Ginger. It was a holiday to remember. I hope that you and your family had a very Merry Christmas and you remembered what it was all about.

Ginger

Everyone, Ginger! Ginger, Everyone!

This is the 3 lb little treasure that I received for Christmas this year. She arrived 3 days before Christmas and is the cause of lots of joy at our house. She loves to hear herself bark and continues to jump up and down in front of the mirror looking at herself. She is not potty-trained, much to Andrews dismay, but it will happen soon... we hope!

So come over and visit Ginger... she will lick your face off!

First Annual Cookie Exchange

The weekend before Christmas, My super friend Shana and I threw our first annual cookie exchange at my house. It went so well! We had everyone bring 5 dozen cookies. Each person left with 5 dozen, each 1/2 dozen was a different kind of cookie. I wanted to put this party on so that we could have a whole bunch of different kinds of goodies to share with friends and family at Christmas time. We had tons of food and fun! We also had a judging contest with prizes!

New Beginnings!

Wow! Time sure does fly when you are busy!

Andrew and I have been really great. We successfully moved into our town home, I now have a new job, and we are preparing for Christmas that is coming so quickly! We are happy to be getting settled into our new place (many more pictures to come)....

Also, Andrew got me the perfect Christmas present that will arrive three days before Christmas day. A PUPPY! She is a miniature dachshund. We named her Ginger! I love her already!!

Andrew received a much needed haircut...

Andy and Melissa came to visit...

Our lives are certainly getting back to normal after all the craziness that happened during our Fall. We are excited to be with family for Christmas and celebrate our Savior's birth!

Merry Christmas from The Wagners.