Are you a stay at home Mom? Do you work part-time? Do you work full-time? Do these questions make your head spin?
Well, to be perfectly honest with you... these questions have been the cause of a nasty headache the past few months for me.
Sometimes I wish I were a boy.. better yet a dog!
Ok, not really.
I love being a female, a woman who God created just right. With small pinky fingers and two nasty cowlicks, one on each side of my forehead. I will be addressing that with my creator one day, take my word for it. :)
Type A personality that I am, I remember making lists of all the important events that were going to take place in my life when I was about 16 years old. Who was my husband going to be.. or so I thought. The age I would be and the theme of my wedding when it happened. What my first child's name would be and at what age I would start having kids. I just always figured I would marry a man named Derrick. I always landed on the letter "D" when twisting off the stem of my apple. Derrick always sounded like a solid name.
God probably smiled and thought, "Oh Terra, I have some very different plans for your life. Some things will happen due to circumstances from choices you will make and other events I will put in place. You are going to marry a curly headed man named Andrew. And trust me, I created him for you. He will be able to handle your dramatic personality." I am such a dreamer and I over-analyze everything. It is my God-given personality, but I think it drives Andrew bonkers sometimes! Because that is my personality, it is hard for me to make really important life decisions that I know will effect others. It's sometimes even hard for me to make a decision about dinner because I want to make sure that Andrew's opinion is considered and valued.
Friends and family usually have no problem throwing their opinion out there. That becomes increasingly obvious when major life decisions are in question... having a baby, becoming a stay at home Mom vs becoming a working mom, etc.
My plans for having babies on my time frame really went out the window when I received some medical news. It was not pleasant when the doctor looked at me and said, "You may only have about five years to have kids... so you may want to start if that is what you want." If that is what I want??? DUH! Haven't you read the list I made? You know, the one I made with all the dates, ages, and events when I was 16? Yep, babies - right under marriage.
So here I am with a big decision... to work or not work. Now, this topic of conversation can be very touchy/controversial and is really different for each family and each circumstance. I am not here to say that one is wrong or one is more holy than the other. That is SO not my place. I think both are equally as difficult and challenging. Face it, no matter how you spend your day, in the workplace or not, being a Mom requires time, energy, and a whole lot of love.
Since Selah Grace will be here in 3 months, Andrew and I are faced with this decision. Finances do have a major role in this decision. If financial obligations were not such an issue, I do not think that this decision would be such a heavy burden on my heart. In fact, I know exactly what I would do. But what does God want me to do?
I want to be a wise godly woman. A woman that Andrew is proud to call his own. One that Selah Grace will love, respect, and admire for the life decisions I make. I know that this decision will effect Andrew and Selah so I need to make sure that I am on my knees, seeking the Lord about this. Yesterday my knees were a bit sore and my heart a little bitter. "God where are you? I would like an answer please!" I know that if God tells me to stay home, then he will provide financially. It's not about that. It is more about God giving me a peace about my decision one way or the other. Andrew and I know what we would prefer but we are just waiting on God to confirm our decision through prayer, scripture, and through his people.
As our family and friends, I am coming to you asking for your prayers about this. I am so torn and am really needed some peace about what God would have me do. I have heard a lot of your opinions, which have been very helpful, but we just really need your prayers.